my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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