i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
