She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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