I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
