You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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