toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
