Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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