Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
