Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
