Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My ass is underappreciated
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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