I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
