I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
