saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
