Where is the hickey?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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