smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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