I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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