you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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