he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
