someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
