Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
