you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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