I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
