you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
