So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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