i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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