Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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