apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
