i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
