someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize