Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found your dick twin last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize