i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And then he peed in my hair
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