Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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