Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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