just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
