im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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