she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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