Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
