im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
