Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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