I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
