I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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