is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
