He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
