She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
