ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
