piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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