I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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