My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
