It's like God shit irony all over that family
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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