i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
