it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
