She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
