you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
