My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
