we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
