i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
