This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
