And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
