I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
