Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
