2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
