Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
