Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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