The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
