So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
