how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
