I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
