You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
