I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
